My family is stalked by Illness. Illness tries to steal energy, optimism, and unity. Some days it feels that Illness is gaining ground and that what we are, the strength of us, is shaken. Other days we laugh in the face of Illness and hold closer to one another. But it is not Illness who holds my attention today. Today, sitting in a stiff hospital chair staring down hours of waiting, I want to discuss something else.
We are blessed in family and blessed in our friendships. It is a gift in the most difficult times. Even now I know that my babies are safe and loved though they are outside my reach. I know that their questions will be answered and their tears soothed. They are even being given chores!
A healthy community nurtures one another and assures that no parent walks or worries alone. How healthy is your community? Who do you call when there is a need?
It is hard not isolate when things are difficult. Protecting ourselves when we are vulnerable- it becomes a habit to pull back or pull away from those who would be willing to support us. We dare not show weakness to the world and therefore never realize that by naming a thing we can strip it of its power. We fear being a burden or taking advantage and so wear down our resources trying to “do it all.”
We we are not solitary creatures. We are not meant to journey alone. Expecting ourselves to “do it all” is contrary to our social nature. It denies our inner truths and costs us the opportunity to strengthen the bonds of community.
“How are you doing?” Asks the well-meaning friend.
“Good.” “Fine.” “Alright.” Quips our external voice. Completely overlooked is the suppressed inner voice that begs, “Ask me again! Ask me something else! I will crack with even one more question. Just ask!”
This week I worried that asking for help was asking too much yet my friend told me that she would have been mad had I taken on today’s journey without asking for help. In trying not to be a burden please consider that not all burdens are unwelcome. The weight of a sleeping baby can get heavy but we don’t ever consider not offering that child comfort. We never regret the time we spent carrying him or her. I doubt we’d regret showing care for those who matter to us.
Denying your community the opportunity to demonstrate care can hurt it. It can interfere with your child(ren)’s opportunity to make connections outside the nuclear family and to observe how to be a friend. Denying yourself the blessing of help can make you feel isolated. In asking and accepting help you are reminded of the gifts of friendship and family and reminded to show your gratitude.
Where we love we look for opportunities to communicate that love. I sit silently beside someone battling Illness in an uncomfortable chair because I want to communicate that love. I do not begrudge it and I would be hurt to be excluded. The community that is rallying around us it communicating their love in every act of service they perform. We will let them and call them the gifts they are.
I am so grateful to you all. Thank you.
Breathe Deep Books 